everyman

I’m thinking about firing him.

He never does anything I tell him to do.

He never listens to me, and won’t listen to the needs of my friends and neighbors when they visit.

You’re actually lucky to find him, as he always goes on vacation. This one has taken more days of vacation than any servant I’ve ever had.

I think he’s stealing books from my library, but oddly, only the ones that have anything to do with science. Weird!

I sometimes catch him listening to my phone calls, and much worse, looking over my shoulder whenever I browse the web. Why can’t he mind his own business?

I even caught him stealing money from my safe. It wouldn’t bother me so much if he needed it, but he carelessly spends it on toys… for HIM, not his kids, oh heck no.

He doesn’t take care of his children, doesn’t spend money on their education, and doesn’t take care of them when they’re sick.

As for his father? He completely ignores him, and it’s so sad because he’s a war veteran. He deserves better but my servant refuses to take care of him when he’s sick and won’t even buy him meds (though he took his father’s rifle and spends plenty of money on ammo when he goes out hunting, killing animals that never attacked him.)

As for his mother? Whenever they’re on the phone he orders her around in a condescending way, makes it seem like she doesn’t have ownership over her own body. She’s capable of driving a car but he took away her keys. Her driving instructor says she passed her test with flying colors but my servant told her “I’ll be the judge of that.”

He only seems to think of himself and his own interests. Without asking me, he has destroyed most of my garden to make room for an addition (an extension to his living quarters behind the house.)

On garbage nights, I frequently catch him tossing all the trash on what little vegetation remains in my backyard! Nothing can grow there now. Whenever we’re hungry, we need to leave the neighborhood to shop (which angers him because the further we are from home, the more “evil” he says people are.)

He always tells me the word of Jesus but never practices what he preaches.

He’s very racist and has a short temper. Whenever you disagree with him, he’ll throw punches at you instead of trying to see your side of the argument.

Our neighboring township is a very nice place, but it’s a mixed neighborhood. My servant says anyone who lives there is a “terrorist” and can’t be trusted. He has all kinds of prejudices.

Whenever I leave the room I hear him bashing my gay friends (if he only knew that most of his friends are gay.) He says being gay is breaking God’s law, and claims to talk to God at least once a day. He’s very big on law, especially God’s law.

But when HIS friends break the law, he rewards them!

I need a servant who listens to me when we disagree, allows me my privacy, keeps my money safe, practices what he preaches, doesn’t take so much vacation, takes care of his parents, friends, and family, spends time with his children, actually talks to my neighbors and guests, doesn’t fear people who are different, treats women with respect, has tolerance for gays, and for the love of God, actually WORKS!

Yup. I think I’m going to fire him.

In fact, yesterday….

behind his back….

I hired a new one.